2011 can begin, but not my year

Wow. 2010. End of the year already.

This year was a bit of a transition point for me. I knew I was officially going to say goodbye to Hawaii. I knew that I would be leaving the island in search for a new home. I knew I would be prepared to go forward and seek and struggle for a bit. I prepared myself and others around me for this, squirreling away money and slowly lessening responsibilities at my various jobs.

What I didn't know was how any of it would turn out. I still don't.

So my goals for 2011 are not quite New Year's Resolutions, because for me, my new year starts on April 28, a Year's Mark from when I started all this.

If you love something, let it go. As cheesy as this saying can be, I find it to be true. Because this year, I left a restaurant, a farm, an underground movement, and a man that loved me. I know this because they all let me go. I left at peace with my decision, and with no regrets. Anyone that has experienced hesitation at leaving will understand the power of this. When the people around you who are supposed to support you make you feel as if you're making a faulty decision, you question yourself and your decision becomes conflicted as well. Not everyone knows how to let go.

I've affectionately been called nomad, crazy, priviledged, inspirational, a great housewife, out of my mind, and risky, amongst other things. I met a guy who told me that even if we were never to speak again, he would've been lucky to have met me. I've had the opportunity to meet an extraordinary array of people and experience the love of old friends. I've said hello to a bunch of new children. Abby calls me the "baby whisperer" for the way I have with kids. I've travelled to different cities and countries, been frustrated many times, and brazenly attempted new things. I even thought I might've fallen in love. As hard as it is for me to express in words what it is I'm looking for, I've never been called stupid. That is what I consider true support of a journey.

As a traveller, you learn to open up faster and trust more freely. The limited amount of time you have to create an impact forces you to become a more complete person expressed in a shorter duration of interaction. All of these people still made me feel loved. All of these people still let me go.

My cooking friends have also been up to a lot this year. Some left their jobs. Some got fired. Some got married. Some had children. Some started new businesses: a pop-up ramen stand, custom wedding cakes, and a grilled cheese truck, to name a few. One is getting divorced. It's hard to be married to a chef if you're not one yourself. The hours never seem to be as long to us as they are to them. I was just talking to a friend today who said that everyone wants to be us, everyone wants to be like us, otherwise culinary schools wouldn't be filled to capacity. Without ever knowing or realizing the full impact of what all of the unspoken compromises really mean. Few ever really make it to become what we know as a "cook", but the dream of cooking lives on because it's "fun" and "so cool", and everyone wants to be one.

Including me. It's still fun, and cool, and so my dream lives on. Here's to 2011.