I know you’ve been waiting for
me to post something new, anything new, especially seeing how the year mark came and passed without a peep from me. I didn’t know what to say. I’d anxiously been waiting for that day but didn’t want to consciously force myself to think about writing something deeply profound. Those attempts usually end up being kind of sappy in a glorious Hallmark sort of way.
Instead, I’ll tell you how I feel about right now.
I feel like I've kind of been outed recently. A pretty well connected food blogger from Hawaii visited and let people know who I was. The reaction? People started looking me up. People started googling me. The stats for this site began skyrocketing. Other Hawaii peoples started looking for me. Bay Area peoples started following. She used to be somebody?! Um, yeah. I mean, no. Well, maybe kind of, I guess. I hesitate because I’ve always been kind of conflicted as to how to answer that. I guess I was sort of on th
e DL and was trying to let my natural abilities speak for themselves. I was looking for where I best fit.
I guess on paper it looks pretty good. I’ve worked for one of the best chefs in Hawai’i. I have experience in commercial baking. I can identify an
d handle sub-tropical and exotic fruits, and graft any of those trees to make exact replicas of them. I became part of the “Support Local” movement and worked with Ed and Dave, the island’s leading duo in environmental food, farm, and restaurant sustainability. I was even recognized as (gulp) an award-winning chef for one of their restaurants.
But I don’t call myself Chef
.
I’ve always been uncomfortable with that title. I don’t think I’ve been doing this long enough to be given that title, and I don’t think I’m experienced enough. Perhaps that’s an old skool way of thinking, even though I haven’t been alive long enough to be considered old skool e
ither. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t professionally trained, or raised in an industry family, or have a culinary degree. Maybe it’s because I still think I’m kind of young. Maybe when I’m 50 I’ll be called, uh, chef? Probably not.
But Hapa Ramen has also given me some prominence. I’ve definitely been more sought out and recognized here in San Francisco more than I ever have anywhere else. It’s funny, I don’t think anyone would’ve known who I was before. Maybe my face, but not my name, and definitely not that I was the one in charge. But recently I’ve been getting more attention (ahem, of all sorts…) here in the Bay Area than I ever have in any other location that I’ve been
to in the same amount of time anywhere in the world. People are beginning to notice me, and want to get to know me, and what I’m doing, and who I’m doing. I’m beginning to flourish.
Ed and Dave were just in town for the Pebble Beach Food and Wine Festival and made a stopover to the Hapa Ramen kitchen for a visit. Man, if there’s any more appropriate timing to signify the one year mark in this journey,
it would be this visit of my former restaurant folks visiting me in the kitchen of my current restaurant folks. I thought I’d feel a little guilty seeing the people I left for no reason other than that it was time for me to leave the island, but I was stoked to see them, and they looked truly happy to see me.
I wanted to help at the event but our schedules didn’t work out and Ed lamented, telling me that I’m “at my best at these kinds of things, where I break out the jangly earrings and look all girly”. It’s funny, and true. I love big social events like that. Also, San Francisco has me wearing my jangly earrings all the time. I must feel like a girl here.
They talked to Victor and Richie, checked out our projects, talked story, and tried some ramen. It was a great visit, and Dave's parting words as they left the kitchen were, “We’re proud of you, Sue.” I think people can say anything they want about not caring about what other people say, but honestly, hearing those words at that moment meant everything to me.
I didn't know that I needed them to love me and where I was now.
So if you’ve been following me for the past year, then you know a lot of what I’ve decided to do is based on me following that feeling, the feeling of knowing, of trying, of it feeling wrong or right. Yes, I would like money, and stability, and a family, and a home, and the freedom to be. But what am I really looking for? I'm looking for the feeling that I belong, and right now, in this time and in this place...I think I do.
Photos: with Richie and Victor of Hapa Ramen; Save the Bay beach cleanup in Berkeley; Housecured guanciale with guanciale lard bread; Aloha Festival in Presidio Park; Senait and Sophia at SFChefs2010; Ed and Dave at town's 5th anniversary in April 2010; Ed and Dave in SF April 2011; You can find me cooking noodles wherever Hapa Ramen is!
me to post something new, anything new, especially seeing how the year mark came and passed without a peep from me. I didn’t know what to say. I’d anxiously been waiting for that day but didn’t want to consciously force myself to think about writing something deeply profound. Those attempts usually end up being kind of sappy in a glorious Hallmark sort of way.Instead, I’ll tell you how I feel about right now.
I feel like I've kind of been outed recently. A pretty well connected food blogger from Hawaii visited and let people know who I was. The reaction? People started looking me up. People started googling me. The stats for this site began skyrocketing. Other Hawaii peoples started looking for me. Bay Area peoples started following. She used to be somebody?! Um, yeah. I mean, no. Well, maybe kind of, I guess. I hesitate because I’ve always been kind of conflicted as to how to answer that. I guess I was sort of on th
e DL and was trying to let my natural abilities speak for themselves. I was looking for where I best fit.I guess on paper it looks pretty good. I’ve worked for one of the best chefs in Hawai’i. I have experience in commercial baking. I can identify an
d handle sub-tropical and exotic fruits, and graft any of those trees to make exact replicas of them. I became part of the “Support Local” movement and worked with Ed and Dave, the island’s leading duo in environmental food, farm, and restaurant sustainability. I was even recognized as (gulp) an award-winning chef for one of their restaurants.But I don’t call myself Chef
.I’ve always been uncomfortable with that title. I don’t think I’ve been doing this long enough to be given that title, and I don’t think I’m experienced enough. Perhaps that’s an old skool way of thinking, even though I haven’t been alive long enough to be considered old skool e
ither. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t professionally trained, or raised in an industry family, or have a culinary degree. Maybe it’s because I still think I’m kind of young. Maybe when I’m 50 I’ll be called, uh, chef? Probably not.But Hapa Ramen has also given me some prominence. I’ve definitely been more sought out and recognized here in San Francisco more than I ever have anywhere else. It’s funny, I don’t think anyone would’ve known who I was before. Maybe my face, but not my name, and definitely not that I was the one in charge. But recently I’ve been getting more attention (ahem, of all sorts…) here in the Bay Area than I ever have in any other location that I’ve been
to in the same amount of time anywhere in the world. People are beginning to notice me, and want to get to know me, and what I’m doing, and who I’m doing. I’m beginning to flourish.Ed and Dave were just in town for the Pebble Beach Food and Wine Festival and made a stopover to the Hapa Ramen kitchen for a visit. Man, if there’s any more appropriate timing to signify the one year mark in this journey,
it would be this visit of my former restaurant folks visiting me in the kitchen of my current restaurant folks. I thought I’d feel a little guilty seeing the people I left for no reason other than that it was time for me to leave the island, but I was stoked to see them, and they looked truly happy to see me.I wanted to help at the event but our schedules didn’t work out and Ed lamented, telling me that I’m “at my best at these kinds of things, where I break out the jangly earrings and look all girly”. It’s funny, and true. I love big social events like that. Also, San Francisco has me wearing my jangly earrings all the time. I must feel like a girl here.
They talked to Victor and Richie, checked out our projects, talked story, and tried some ramen. It was a great visit, and Dave's parting words as they left the kitchen were, “We’re proud of you, Sue.” I think people can say anything they want about not caring about what other people say, but honestly, hearing those words at that moment meant everything to me.
I didn't know that I needed them to love me and where I was now.So if you’ve been following me for the past year, then you know a lot of what I’ve decided to do is based on me following that feeling, the feeling of knowing, of trying, of it feeling wrong or right. Yes, I would like money, and stability, and a family, and a home, and the freedom to be. But what am I really looking for? I'm looking for the feeling that I belong, and right now, in this time and in this place...I think I do.
Photos: with Richie and Victor of Hapa Ramen; Save the Bay beach cleanup in Berkeley; Housecured guanciale with guanciale lard bread; Aloha Festival in Presidio Park; Senait and Sophia at SFChefs2010; Ed and Dave at town's 5th anniversary in April 2010; Ed and Dave in SF April 2011; You can find me cooking noodles wherever Hapa Ramen is!
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